Sincerely, I Hate You
by Spirix
Summary: It’s because I’m not one of your pretty bimbos isn’t it? Ed and Roy are forced to carry out an argument with letters due to Ed needing to go on a mission. ...Ed x Roy...
1. Ravens Are Black

**Disclaimer:** Once again, I don't own anything, not even these pants.

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Ravens Are Black...

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Dear Bastard,

Well I hope you're proud of yourself. You couldn't keep you mouth shut, so now I'm stuck on a train cursing your name, both silently and not, until I'm blue in the face. You can't just shut your face and let things be. It's because I'm not one of your pretty bimbos isn't it? _("Al! What was that for?" "Bimbo isn't a very nice term to use Brother. I'm sure they are intelligent in their own way." "Whatev- Hey stop hitting me!") _Well I regret to inform you that I am not some fluffy princess to be swept off my feet by smooth gestures and practiced phrases. I don't expect you to act that way, so why do you think I would?

"You have the emotional capacity of this stapler,"

What the fuck does that even mean? _("Brother, do you really think it wise to swear?" "It's my fucking letter Al!" "Well don't come crying to me when you get in trouble for your rudeness.") _Is this all because I laughed at your joke? I mean, it had to be a joke. Men can't love each other. It's in the handbook. I like you a lot and the sex is fucking great. What more can two guys ask for? If you wanted love, romance and a happily ever after ending, you should have fucked a chick instead of me. (_"Al, if you hit me one more time—" "I thought the purpose of this letter was to prove him wrong, not to prove him right. Really Brother, you need to get your thoughts in order before you write them down.")_

But that's not why I wrote you this letter. Al says I need to be more romantic and shit like that. You said I couldn't if I tried. So here you go, you bastard. I hope you choke on the sap oozing off this love poem I wrote for you.

Ravens are black,

and the sky is blue.  
These things out my window,  
remind me of you.

Sincerely,

-I hate you.

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Another odd collective piece from me to you. I got the idea from, well a number of places. The next letter will be a reply from Roy. They go back and forth. 


	2. The Sun is Golden

**Disclaimer:** Once again, I don't own anything, not even these pants.

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The Sun is Golden...

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Dear Shrimp, 

(_"Sir, that doesn't look those invoice statements I handed you. Are you allowing your personal and private matters to interfere with work?" "Of course not First Lieutenant, I am merely writing out a memo of things I need to do later. I do not want to forget these crucial things while I studiously tackle that pile of documents to be signed." "Sir, some times I think you even believe your own nonsense."_) I was pleased to see your letter this morning, that is, until I read it. Do you really believe half the nonsense you wrote down? (_"If he only believes half then there is still hope for him. You on the other hand Sir are beyond saving." "Hawkeye! You're still here? I thought you left?" "See? A prime example of why you are hopeless. I haven't moved, you just wanted me to be gone and told yourself to believe it is so." "Well I'm in the middle of an important letter, dismissed.") _

The way I see it, anyone can love anyone else. It doesn't matter about sex, creed or politics. But you're right. If I wanted those things, I could have found them more easily with a woman, but the truth is I don't think love actually exists for people like me. We take what we can get and merely hope it isn't taken away like everything else. (_"Sir, that is the worst love letter I've ever read." "No one asked you Hawkeye." "If you had to ask me for anything I wouldn't be doing my job properly." "… point taken. Suggestions then?" "He wrote you a poem. It would be impolite as well as inconsiderate to not reply with one.") _

In the spirit of competition, I will ignore your pitiful excuse for a letter in favour of one-upmanship. Your greeting card poem is no match for my cunning use of words. (_"Hawkeye! What's a short poem?" "A haiku would suffice Sir; the structure is five-seven-five" "…" "Five syllables on one line, seven on the next, and then five on the last." "Thank you."_)

The sun is golden,  
just like your hair and two eyes.  
There you go…a poem.

Sincerely,

-I hate you more.

(_"… Sir?" "Yes Hawkeye." "Nothing sigh not a single thing." "Now that's what I like to hear."_)

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I love Omake Manga Hawkeye. She has to be my favourite character next to Manga Envy. 


	3. There Are Many Things

**Disclaimer:** Once again, I don't own anything, not even these pants.

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There Are Many Things...

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My Dearest Bastard, (_"Brother…" "Yes Al?" "Can you at least try to start out nicely? You are the only person I know who can write an insulting letter without writing an actual letter to read." "Quiet Al, I have to win this.")_

Oh how I've missed thee so, this long week that has passed. A room without thy over practiced sarcasm is dead to me. (_"I really regret loaning you that poetry book now brother." "I thought I said to be quiet?" "Fine…") _How I long for thee to… do something romantic like in these weird books at that my dearest brother lent to me. (_"DON'T MENTION ME!" "Too Late."_) I count the seconds since our tongue swords crossed blades. It is unfortunate that thou be'ist a complete bastard, for if thee were nicer, thou wouldn't be sleeping alone tonight now, wouldst thee/thou? I have foundst an additional lead and will not be taking the connecting train back to be there to you'ist.

I thinkst thou shouldst— (_"That's it! Give me the pen Ed!!" "Never! I'm just getting to the good part." "There is no good part! This letter is complete crap!" "But it's written romantically— HEY! Not fair, you're, what, 7ft tall? I WILL climb you to get that damn pen back." "Only if you skip right to the poem! If you continue with this crap I'll shove this pen up your nose. Got it Ed?" "Yes Al…" "I couldn't hear you." "Yes AL! Now give me my pen!") _

I shall skipst straight to the poemst…

There are many things I could say,  
like: "I love and will never forget you."  
But I'm not that kind of guy,  
and would rather say: "I never regret you."

Sincerely,

-I hate you more than more

(_sniff "…Al, you ok? Your armour is making weird sounds" HUG "Al! You're breaking my ribs." "Brother, that is so sweet!" "Don't sound so surprised! I'm a genius after all." "Whatever you say brother. I have a question. Shouldn't the line be, "_I'll never regret you." _You know, in the future tense?" "Nope, because we live in the present. Talking about the future is pointless because it is uncertain. Right now, in this moment, that line is true and that's all the matters." "…" "What?" "Time for another hug you little softie!" "WHO ARE YOU CALLING—" crack) _

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Happy New Year to everyone. I know you are all in 2008 by now because I live really West. Sighs, I almost missed my count down due to time zones being messed up in relation to TV stations. 


	4. Hawkeye Isn't Here

**Disclaimer:** Once again, I don't own anything, not even these pants.

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Hawkeye Isn't Here...

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To My Lovely Shrimp,

I have a couple of notes for you, if you wish to continue your eloquent endeavors.

'Thee' is 'you' if you are not the subject of the sentence. "I saw Pekingese yesterday and was reminded of thee."  
'Thou' is 'you' if you are the subject of a sentence. "Thou have the same hair and cute little scrunched up face as a Pekingese."  
'Thy' is 'your' if it is the subject of a sentence. "Thy face is adorably Pekingese when you angry."

(_"I'm impressed Sir." "As you should be, you have no idea what I had to go through to learn this." "I saw Major Armstrong this morning." "…You really do have hawk eyes, don't you?" "Do your paperwork Sir; I'll be right back with a fresh stack.") _Now that you have that small strip of my infinite wisdom, you can have a better day knowing you know slightly more than you knew before. (_"If you aren't going to do your paperwork, at least write something worth while." looks around "Your not even in the room!" "Hawk eyes Sir."_)

I have also included a dictionary for you. It seems in your earnest to outdo me, you have forgotten the definition of some words, one in particular. (_"That's too vague, Edward won't get it." "Do you even get it?" "…no…"_) I just wanted to say I'd never forget you either.

Hawkeye isn't here  
looking over my shoulder.  
So I have freedom to slack  
and I put my feet up bolder.

(_"I'm right here." "I know." "You wrote me a poem to prove… what?" "That I know your there." "What about Edward's poem? I think you should at least answer him properly. He just told you he loved you." "No he didn't, that's the point. I have to draw it out of him and what's the best way to force Edward Elric to do anything?" "Make him think it was his idea Sir?" "Exactly.")_

Sincerely  
-I hate you more than more than more.

(_"Really mature Sir." "Watch a master at work Hawkeye, just watch.") _

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Well I'm running late for class, so I guess I should start running.

-Rix 


	5. All You Care About

**Disclaimer:** Once again, I don't own anything, not even these pants.

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All You Care About...

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"I just wanted to say I'd never forget you either." 

What the fuck does that mean? (_"Brother, at least start the letter off right" "…fine") _

Dear Fucking BASTARD,

What the fuck was that. I confess and you throw it back at me? (_"What are you talking about? He said he'd never forget you brother. That's quite sweet." "It isn't enough. I put myself out there and he didn't even return the favour. THAT'S NOT EQUIVILANT!" "Brother, think of the children!") _You complained about me not saying those stupid things. What do words matter when the whole world lies. You know I like you by how I act. That should be enough but it wasn't.

Now look where we are. Get off your fucking high horse and tell me how you feel. I used to not care but you know what? I want to read the fucking words. Screw 'knowing'. I want legal and document proof now. (_"How is he supposed to get that?" "He's a fucking bastard, he knows." "Excuse me young man—" "What!" "Would you please stop swearing? My children are at an impressionable age and I don't want them getting any _ideas _in their little heads." "How about I put some impressions directly into their heads with my fist!" "Brother! Ok lets move to another compartment.") _

You know what? Fuck proof. You are more work than you're worth. Here is your fucking poem, you hypocrite.

All you care about is yourself.  
You fucking bastard you!  
Just leave me the hell alone,  
because we are so fucking through.

There, how is that for a poem.

Sincerely I hate you.  
  
(_"Brother, are you ok?" "I'm going to sleep! Wake me up when we reach Xenotime." "… Ok brother. I'm sorry he didn't say he loved you." "Why do I care, it's not like it means anything. The word is just four letters." "Then why are you crying?" "I'm not! I just pulled a muscle in my pupil." "…is that even possible?" "zzzzzzz…" "I hope the Colonel smartens up and writes an apology." "He won't." "I thought you were asleep." "I am, good night Al." "G'nite brother.") _

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Thought I would spread the joy. My fluffy fic has turned to angst, just like the rest. I wonder what that means?

-Rix


	6. My Bed is Empty

**Disclaimer:** Once again, I don't own anything, not even these pants.

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My Bed is Empty...

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("_…Sir, you fucked up." "You think I don't know that?" "Fix it now before I—") _

Dear My Midget,

If you want this to end, you are going to have to break down my front door. (KA-CHINK_ "Hawkeye, put that away! I'm not done yet!"_) I never knew you were such a coward, to run away and send me a letter in lieu of a real conversation. I regret to inform you, Edward Elric, if you wish to tell me how much you don't love me, you are going to have to come and say it to my face. (_"That's fixing it?" "Just watch a master at work." "You said that last time Sir…" "Well I'm still at work… so watch."_) I know I have nothing to worry about, because you'd never do that, you know why? Because you love me, whether you feel the need to say the words or not.

You call me all sorts of names and accuse me of manipulation, but, then, what is it you are doing to me if not the same thing? This whole exchange of letters has been a farce of strategic planning on your part. So here is your poem because I am tired of playing games with you.

My bed is empty, all the time.  
I fill it with pillows.  
It's never the same.

My room is empty, all the time.  
I fill it with furniture.  
It's never the same.

My house is empty, all the time.  
I fill it with liquor.  
It makes me not notice.  
Or perhaps, notice it even more.

It hasn't been the same,  
since you came.

It's been full.

Sincerely,

-I hate you

(_"Why did you sign it that Sir?" "I don't want to lose face." "Isn't it a little too late for that." "No, I still have the upper hand." "… You're in deeper than you think and you still the one playing games. Tell him the truth." "Not yet." "You are going to lose him." "Pfft, Hawkeye, you have so little faith in me. I am a pro at this sort of thing." "Not this time because this is the real thing and you are going to lose him." "…") _

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When will our bastard ever learn? Who thinks Hawkeye should shoot him? 

-Rix


	7. I Was Your's

**Disclaimer:** Once again, I don't own anything, not even these pants.

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I Was Yours...

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To Whom It May Concern: 

(_"Brother, you're going to regret this." "Quiet Al, this is how it is." "But what if he changes." "That bastard? He won't change."_)

I regret to inform you that leaving Xenotime at this time would be ill-advisable. The resources here are easily accessible and the knowledge is priceless. Staying here for the next month and providing alchemic aid for the town would benefit your political stature as well as support me in my research. Alphonse and I (_"Brother, don't mention me please." "Al, I have to, this is a formal memorandum after all." "What happened to the love letters?" "They never existed."_) are studying the benefits of agricultural alchemy for military supply purposes.

All reports and mission statements will be sent care of the Tringham residence where we are staying. That will be all for now.

Sincerely,

-I hate you more than physically possible

(_"That's it, what about the poem?" "Al, I'm not going to write a poem in a formal letter." "But you need to. It will make you feel better." "How?" "Just write one Brother."_)

P.S.

I was yours,  
but now I'm gone.  
I leave this poem,  
to turn you on.

While you sit there,  
every day and pine,  
Russell has asked me out,  
to a place where only two can dine.

I said yes.

(_"Brother, what are you doing? Don't lie!" "I'm not." "But… aren't you going to try and fix things?" "You can't fix something that was never there." "But… Ed? Don't you love the colonel?" "I think I liked the idea of him…" "Oh."_)

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The first part of that poem I saw on a park bench, well some of it. I did modify it for my purposes but I don't know who to give credit too... The graffiti artists of Toronto... I salute you! 

-Rix


	8. Come Back

**Disclaimer:** Once again, I don't own anything, not even these pants.

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Come Back...

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Dearest, 

You're not fooling me. Is this some new angle to try and get attention from me? Well you have it, I'm all yours. ( _"Havoc! Where's Hawkeye?" "She went home sick, why?" "No reason, just wanted to make sure the coast was clear."_) Why don't you come back to Central? I'm sure that boy will be less than satisfying for a man with your refined tastes, after all, you are used to me. Anything or anyone less than me would be a massive disappointment to you. Why don't you spare yourself and him a lot of awkward tension and come back.

(_"Chief?" "What is it Havoc?" "I'm supposed to check on you…" "Why?" "Hawkeye said if you were writing another one of those, wait I wrote it down… Oh here, she said, 'If you catch him writing another one of those insensitive letters, I want to report to me at once after intercepting it from the mail room.' Are you writing one of those now?" "It's not insensitive!" "Well I want to take a long lunch. I was thinking two hours, you know catch a movie." "Are you blackmailing me?" "Can I see that letter?" "I heard 'Gone With the Wind' was marvellous and playing in twenty minutes." "Thanks Chief."_)

But maybe you need to get his out of system. After one kiss you'll know that I'm the only one for you. (_"One kiss?! I won't allow it! He needs to come back now. HAVOC!" "Chill Sir, he left already, what do you need?" " Breda, when's the next train to Xenotime?" "Hawkeye told me to not tell you." "What!" "She says you have…umm… Ah, 'no vacation left to go gallivanting about the country when a simple three word phrase would do the trick' or something like that." twitching_)

Hurry back or I'll be forced to come find you, gloves and all.

Come back to Central,  
you don't need him.  
Come back to Central,  
and I'll forgive your whim.

Sincerely

-I hate you

(_"Sir? I heard you sent Havoc to the movies…" "Yes Fuery, he worked hard and deserves it." "Well… ah… I'll drop that letter off to the post office if you let me go too." "To the movies with Havoc?" blush "… Yes, did I mention Hawkeye said—" "Fine, hurry up and go." "Thank you Sir!" "I feel so used…"_)

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Okay, the plot moose is distracted! I have less than five minutes to ninja out of here before he gets any more ideas. Enjoy and stuff!

-Rix


	9. Since I’ve Been Here

**Disclaimer:** Once again, I don't own anything, not even these pants.

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Since I've Been Here...

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Bastard, 

(_"Brother, why is this suitcase on the floor?"_)

You seem very sure so of yourself. I guess I'll have to break the news to you. You fucking suck at sex. That must be why you went through women like water. They were all just too happy to go find a decent fuck elsewhere. (_"Brother! You promised you would stop!" "I can't let him win!" "Win what?"_)

Luckily for me, I learned a lot from you. I want to thank you and I'm sure Russell does too. He is the benefactor of your fine teachings. You know, the 'how not to do this' and 'how not to do that' lessons you can never get from a book. Thank you. (_"He's going to kill you Ed" "No, he's not Al." "Then why have you packed your things." "There are… moths in the closet." "What!?" runs outside "Excellent, no more distractions."_)

Here is a 'little' gesture of my appreciation.

Since I've been here,  
I've been counting the moments on my clock,  
Until Russell gets back from the fields,  
and takes a spin on my cock.

He pants and groans and moans,  
his inhibitions long since fled.  
He is wild and sexy and fun,  
and says those things you never said.

I'd love to chat more with you,  
but I just heard the door.  
I have to go grab the lube,  
and then fuck Russell into the floor.

Sincerely,  
I really do hate you.

(_"Ed, what are you writing?" "Oh nothing! How were the fields today, Russell." "Nothing a little plough and raking couldn't take care of. Speaking of which, I believe it's _my _turn tonight." blush_)

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Yeah, fast update. Don't get used to it. Just be thankful my twisted self couldn't wait. Now I have to go get coffee and spend sometime with Mum. My moose likes Peppermint Mocha's so I should be safe. Have fun with the dirty poetry!

-Rix 


	10. Fire is Red

**Disclaimer: **I owned an apple with my teeth... but that's it. :D

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Fire is Red...

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(_"Sir, what do you think you're doing?" "What does it look like Hawkeye? I'm giving the boy fair warning so I can't be court marshalled."_)

Dear SHRIMP,

You've grated my last nerve. Stop playing this foolish game of "I'm a snot nosed shrimp who wants attention because my daddy didn't love me" and get your ass back here. But, since I **KNOW** you won't listen to your elders, like you should, I'm coming to get you. Here's your fucking poem.

Fire is Red,  
My Uniform is Blue,  
Stay where you fucking are,  
So I can fry you!

Sincerely,  
I HATE you.

(_"That's it?" "Yes!If I write more I'll start frothing at the mouth!" "Sir, you already are…" "BOOK ME A TRAIN TICKET!" –Kaclick—"Don't take that tone with me Sir. Now what is it you want and ask nicely." "…May I please have a train ticket…?Please?" "Normally I would say no, but the sooner this is resolved the sooner things can go back to normal. For example, why is everyone avoiding me now that I'm back from sick leave.""I bribed them… sorry." "Is that why Havoc is sitting on Fuery's desk?" "Ummm…may I have my train ticket now?" "You're so weak Sir." "I know…"_)

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It's been a while. How are all of you:D Well I'm happy. I got Free Fall up and now am going update drabble happy. I wonder how many I can get in a 24hr period. :D

-Rix the demon


	11. As For Russell

**Disclaimer: **I owned an apple with my teeth... but that's it. :D

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As For Russell...

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Dear Bastard,

You think you are so clever, well I have news for you. This may come as a shock, but you were never good at 'getting me' and even as we speak you're wandering around Xenotime, smoking and crackling like burned bacon trying to find me. If you actually paid attention while we were together, you would know I never get caught by the vengeful idiot. It's on my State Alchemist list of official skills along with kicking your ass at hand-to-hand combat.

(_"Sir, would you care for something off the trolley?" "No thank you."_)

So this is the part where I tell my commanding officer I found a lead in Rush Valley so Al and I were forced to part ways. Tell him I say 'hi' while your there! (_"Mommy, why is that boy waving at no one?" "Come this way dear. All sorts of crazy people take the train these days." "He can't be crazy Mommy, he has such pretty hair." "Sweetie, it's the pretty ones who snap and slaughter trainloads of people, now don't look directly in his eyes. He may be small but I bet—" "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE CAN'T HEAR A CONVERSATION A METER AWAY!? And don't fill your kid's head with bullshit lady! If I was going to kill you all, you wouldn't be around to fucking chat about it would you?" "Mommy I'm scared, are we going to die?" "No, no, let's just move to the next car." "BYE!"_)

Time for your fucking poem!

As for Russell, who kept me well 'fed',  
We spent our very last hours in his bed.  
It was long and hard, and I'm not talking about the night,  
We parted ways at dawn without so much as a fight.

See bastard, that's a beautiful thing about being me,  
My 'assignments' make me travel from sea to sea.  
So in each city, there is someone new to kiss, lick, lay,  
And I can count 'expenses' as research and deducted it from my budget pay.

Sincerely,  
I hate you more

(_--is laughing manically-- - more train passengers move out of the car-- --Edward echoes creepily--_)

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I am not happy with my new jumpdrive. Last night it said it synced with my computer and had the new half done 'Flint and Ashes' and 'Find Me At' but it lied to me. Now I have all this time on my hands and no epic chapters to write. I could start Free Fall, but I don't have my rough draft for that either. Damn jumpdrive.

Side note: It need's a name. Anyone got a good jump name before I pull an Ichigo and call it 'Kon'? ("Kai sounds cool,and that pisses me off..."XD)

I'm going to listen to 20 remixes of Leekspin now. Hopefully Orihime's magic will bring my files to me.

-Rix the demon


	12. This Is The Part

**Disclaimer: **I want... too much... Quizzes always say I'm either Mustang or Greed. Imagine both :O

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This Is The Part...

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Dear Shrimp, (_"Colonel! Do you want to go back to hanging out the window?" "Alphonse, if I made it dripping with affection he would know I wrote it upon your orders." "I don't care. This foolishness is going to stop now. Because of you I was left here by myself." "Dear Ravishing Russell left you to entertain yourself?" "Ed told him to run."_)

I see you were too quick for me, but then you were always _quick. _("_COLONEL!" "Right, right, no need to gesture towards the window."_) Perhaps it was because I _overlooked _you? That could be entirely possibly given how neglected and _small_ you felt. I suppose I could work on _lowering _my pride long enough to talk with you face to face. And don't worry, I'll make certain a stool is available for you so you don't feel _belittled_. (_"Sir? Aren't you going to try and convince him to meet you in Central?" "Can't you see the fine print Alphonse?" "Write it in bold. NOW."_)

I guess I should move on to the poem.

This is the part,  
where I confess,  
what's in my heart,  
without duress.

I have to admit,  
it is very hard for me,  
to give up and submit,  
to this ongoing melee.

The truth is I'm done,  
with this whole game,  
so meet me in Central,  
if you still feel the same.

Sincerely,  
I hate you

(_"That second last line doesn't match the rest." "You know what Alphonse? How about I hang you out the window by your ankles and see how well you write poetry?" "I'm too heavy Sir." --Mustang puts on gloves-- "But let's not look for alternatives Sir!_)

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So I ended up naming my Jumpdrive "Smorker"... I don't even know why. Must be a typo joke that stuck at 4am like my late fish. I named him Vietnam like the country because of this semi-dirty soldier joke I heard that day. My current fish is Korea to keep with the theme, even though my family insists his name is Pumpkin.

Anyways, sorry about the delay. I have been working on my secret fic and my JeanEd fic. Enjoy!

-Rix the demon


	13. This Is The Final Poem

**Disclaimer: **I want... too much... Quizzes always say I'm either Mustang or Greed. Imagine both :O

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This Is The Final Poem.

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Dear Bastard,

I realise how hard it was for you to write that poem (_"Edward, you spelt realize wrong." "Stop reading over my shoulder! Come on Hawkeye, this is embarrassing enough as it is" –KACHICK—"But you don't need that gun!") _because of your lack of being able to say the RIGHT thing in the right moment. That smart ass mouth of yours is really only good for one thing and that is not your pathetic one-liners. (_"You really don't fear death, do you Edward?" –gulps--_)

I guess I should stop pissing you off. We've been at this for ages and I'm starting to feel like a kid SHUT THE FUCK UP I KNOW YOU'RE LAUGHING! The truth is… you are not the only one who sucks at saying what they mean when it comes to the important shit. I fuck it up a lot more than I mean too. (_"You mean to some of the time?" "What? No! I don't mean to fuck shit up!" "Then why did you write that?" "So he thinks I'm just semi-messed up instead of completely." "That's a… brilliant plan Edward..." "Just let me write this—Please Ma'am?"_)

So here it goes.

This is the final poem.  
I can no longer pretend.  
If we are to get along,  
both of us must try to bend.

I'm not going to beg,  
nor am I going to let you go.  
This was stupid from the beginning,  
all this travelling to and fro.

You love me god dammit,  
and it wouldn't hurt you to say it.  
I'll make the effort too,  
before we both become old, dusty and archaic.

I don't care if that didn't rhyme;  
fuck you and your fancy poem!  
I'm fucking waiting here like asked,  
so bring your god damn ass home.

Sincerely,  
I hate you.

(_"Not the most eloquent but it is honest and will do the trick. I'm glad you finally swallowed your pride." "Yeah, well… I got lonely… and shit. If he wasn't such an ass, none of this would have happened." "I believe you were the one sleeping with another man Edward." "Oh that? It was a lie." "What? Why would you do that?" "I wanted him to realize how much it hurt to think of me with another, like it hurts me when he's with those stupid women." --pistol rises—"Not that you are one!" "I'm not a woman?" "No, no, no! I meant you're not a stupid woman." "Good, but I think you should tell him you weren't in a relationship with that poor boy before things go sour." "I'll tell him when he gets here… or in my will." "Which you will need soon if you don't tell him." "Okay, okay… Hey Hawkeye?" "Yes Edward?" "Thanks for making me write this." "Think nothing of it, now we can finally get back to a quasi-functional workplace. I only ask that I never catch you in the office again." "But I still have to hand in my reports…OH,--blush-- yes ma'am."_)

P.S.

You know love and hate are the same thing right?

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So ends this story of love, hate and dirty poetry. I'm once again all sad and droopy at the thought of closing this up but all things must come to an end. Thank you all for reading this and sticking with me these past couple of months.

Don't worry though, there is still demon-worship worthy fics left to coo and caw over. (Shamelessly points to the list that has **MORE** on it that the Gnomes)

Even the shameless pimping isn't cheering me up. I guess it's time to move onto Occupation: Alphonse Elric, which will be wrapping up soon too. --sniff-- It's like my babies are dying but in truth the are just grown up and there nothing I can do... It's hard out here for a pimp!

All in all, thank you again for all the reviews. I never ask for them, but they always manage to make my day and I look for them constantly. I'm glad we had some fun together and I hope to see you in other fics.

Happy Hunting from a demon.

-rix


	14. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: **I want... too much... Quizzes always say I'm either Mustang or Greed. Imagine both :O

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Epilogue

* * *

Dear Hawkeye,

You asked on the phone the other day about Russell and how he was doing. Well I am proud to say that he is fine. Colonel Mustang got his letter and hurried back without a word to anyone. Who knew that slacker could run so fast?

I wanted to thank you for looking after my brother. I know that he told you that sleeping with Russell was a lie, and I'm glad he did. I wouldn't want your opinion of us to be tainted. To be fair though, Brother did spend a lot of time with Russell in the fields, ploughing and raking. He even ran over his automail foot and broke Russell's favourite plough one day. I think it was the same day he decided to infuriate the colonel with those questionable poems. If I had to have known then, why he ran into the house so suddenly, I would have intercepted the post.

No matter, it's all done with now. I hope that you are as happy as I am that they are back to normal. I can finally pick up what was originally _my _hobby. I wrote a poem today and am now going to share t with you.

She looks at me,  
with those deep dark eyes.  
I wish I could reach out  
but she turns away, shies.

How I long to feel her,  
her hair between my fingers.  
At night she invades me,  
thoughts and memories linger.

Oh to touch that pale face,  
that cute nose and those whiskers.  
I'd pet her all day,  
even after I get blisters.

Sincerely,  
I hate you.

P.S.  
Well I actually don't but it phrase ahs such a history behind it I couldn't resist. (_"prrrrrrrrrrrrrr" "Oh Izzie, stop batting at my pen."_)

* * *

I realized I left a certain situation unresolved. I hope this answers you questions. Oh, and brownie points for anyone who thought that poem was going to be dirty. I read this incredibly sexy poem a few years back about a girl riding her bike. It was so... oh my god I was swirming the first time with wide eyes like the little innocent doe I was.

--sigh--

What happened to me? First Manga: Absolute Boyfriend  
That's what.

So before people alert the hell out of this, there will be NO MORE. SO STOP, PLEASE? This fic got over 20 alerts AFTER it was finished... So yes, this is me telling you to not alert this fic because it is done beyond done.

Love to all and I'm sorry about the reviews. I'll get to them in a few days when I have like two hours to kill.

-rix


End file.
